'His house is 2 steps away from his parent's house': Bride calls off engagement 4 months before wedding due to fiancé's loyalty to his mother over her

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Feb 1, 2024 10:00 AM EST

Regardless of whether or not this man is a momma's boy, the OP noticed several red flags before reaching her breaking point. Let's review: he lives only a few steps away from his parents' house and is not keen on the idea of relocating, he consistently refuses to clean his bachelor pad despite multiple requests from his fiancée, who has even taken on the responsibility herself many times. And let's not forget how he divulges the couple's most intimate conversations to his mother. It seems like the OP would have been taking on the role of a mother to him rather than that of a partner. The internet clearly seems to be relieved that she recognized this before it was too late.

Realizing that she was constantly trying to mold him into the husband she wanted, his consistent behavior kept indicating otherwise. The OP thought they were making joint decisions as a couple, only to find out her fiancé was confiding in his mother about every detail. Four months before exchanging vows, the OP made the difficult decision to call off the engagement. And we're glad she did.

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  • 01
    Posted by u/SaintMinerva007 16 hours ago AITA for breaking up with my(26F) fiance(29M) 4 months before our wedding?
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 02
    I (26F) loved my fiance Jack (29M) but unfortunately, I realized that he is so much into his family. He is not ready to build his own.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 03
    We have been together since 2020. He is living next door to his parents. He is on a rental. His house door is 2 steps away from his parent's house.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 04
    Currently, I don't have any issue with that but I don't want that house to be our first home. Not only because of his parents. That house has been his bachelor house for like 3 years.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 05
    Even to this time, every night his friends come over, 3-4 guys smoking in that house. Jack is not very good at cleaning and I already gave up on trying cleaning it.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 06
    I told him that i don't want to live in that house. We spoke a bit and decided not to move my stuff to this house after the wedding. I was going to come and stay with him regularly but not completely move into this house. His rent contract was
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 07
    going to end in October (5 months after the Wedding) and the landlord said they don't want to rent it anymore. We supposed to eventually move elsewhere anyway but still I stated that I don't want to live there because that's it. If the
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 08
    landlord changes his mind, I don't want to drop a bomb later on. I wanted him to know that clearly. He said he understood my decision. Together we came up with this plan.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 09
    After speaking with me, he went to his mom. Told her that I don't want to live next door to her & I will be looking for a new house. Of course, hearing this very boldly like that, she angrily said "I was going to go to our hometown after your wedding
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 10
    anyway, she won't be living next door to her MIL after the wedding". I don't blame her. What bothers me; I think from now on, Jack and I are a family of our own and we don't have to share everything happening in our household to our parents.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 11
    He doesn't understand this. I told him he wasn't supposed to tell her like that. He said he needed to let her know. I told him if he really thinks she should be informed then he should have told her that we
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 12
    decided to do this together and its a decision of us. But instead, he insists that this is my decision and he won't be telling his mom that he agrees to this decision and its taken together. And his reason to this is " I don't
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 13
    have any issue living in this house with you, you are the one who doesn't want it.". I felt like my new family won't be on its feet with this attitude. I tought my fiance and I were gonna be a team and not let anyone bash any of us down. To
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 14
    me, a married couple supposed to cover each other's acts so nobody else can see them as fault. I discussed with his family before once. He didn't stand by my side. I chew that down but I think this behaviour will repeat and I don't need that.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 15
    Yesterday I told him that I am tired of trying to make him a husband that i would like to have. I accept his personality as he revealed recently and I don't want to marry that person.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 16
    Am I really the A e here? If my understanding of family is not correct, I really want to know this.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 17
    NOTE 1: There are comments about him being filthy and how did i accepted it. Honesty he made me get used to it. In the first year of our relationship, i never accepted the behaviour and tried to fix it. I openly told him that his house is not clean but he told me " its clean to my standarts, if you dont feel like its not up to your standarts, you can clean it yourself.". I had no
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 18
    issues with cleaning his house. However, I was coming over every 3-4 days. Staying 4-5 hours. 2 hours of it was going on the cleaning. I was kind of hoping he would see that and maybe take better care of his house so we get to spend some more time but that didn't happen. I accepted it. This was
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 19
    his way of living and his house. Since i was coming over to same mess everytime, at some point i told him that i will not be cleaning any further as its his house and he was not helping me to maintain it better. I even offered to call a cleaning lady once a week to clean his house but he did not accept it either.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 20
    Basically in time, he made me get used to that. I did my best to accommodate myself without doing unnecessary cleaning when i come. NOTE 2: I see the comments related to me trying to change him and it's not cool. You are right, I may have tendencies to try showing him different way, the way i prefer things but as
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 21
    you can see in NOTE 1, even if its disgusting to me, i was always ready to accept him as the way he is. Besides the cleaning & constantly having friends over, i didnt try to change anything about him. Me saying him "I am tired of trying to make him a husband that i would like to have. I" is because we experienced a situation with his family (with
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 22
    his sister to be exact) where he did not defend me at all once and later on very similar experience where he didnt prioritize me but his mom and threw me right under the bus in our decision. The first "situation with his family" happened in November. We speak about it in December and i told him it makes me feel like im nothing to him. I told him i want to break up. I told him that I don't
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 23
    accept my husband not prioritizing me. I didn't want to cut it right away. I asked if he would like to try going to couples counseling instead of cutting it completely. He agreed to it but i think he did it to make me get used to it. He went just to shut my mouth and wait for me to accept his behavior of sharing everything about our relationship.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 24
    SMALL UPDATE : I spoke to his friend to ask if he is doing okay. He told me that he didn't tell him anything about me yesterday but he was constantly texting. This friend is very close to him so if he is not speaking to him, I know he is discussing it with his sister.
    via u/SaintMinerva007
  • 25
    AllieOWestie 19 hr. ago Nta and lucky escape. My husband is a right mummy's boy but she is actually fab so I'm lucky she is so great. If there was issues with her then it would've been BAAAD. Stand up for yourself and don't back down. You did right.
    via u/AllieOWestie
  • 26
    forgetregret1day 19 hr. ago I wish more women had your foresight. So much time and pain could be avoided if people looked at their potential partner not just for who they are now, but how their upbringing and family ties will affect their marriage. It's a case of people showing you who they are and choosing to believe them, not hope and pray things will change because they never do. I'm sure this wasn't easy for you but you deserve a partner who stands next to you and with you, not one who can't
    via u/forgetregret1day
  • 27
    Gemini Dragon PewPew 19 hr. ago A 29 year old who lives next to his parents and only been out of the house for 3? Presumably, but yeah that sounds like a momma's boy refusing to grow up. If he can't grasp why he needed to stand with you after all this time then he isn't going make much of a husband.
    via u/GeminiDragonPewPew
  • 28
    Cheezburger Image 9874134016
    via Motortion

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bride groom unhealthy wedding couples mother in law engagement fiancé toxic relationship breakups
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